this portrait of karma, crafted in accident

"scratch my back and I will stab you in yours"

5/21/10 06:18 am



oh my fucking god. for the record, the woman doing vocals in this track played the green Care Bear in the original TV series. blows my fucking mind.

2/6/10 11:37 pm

Neil Gaiman put it best:
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

10/2/09 05:53 am

i think when it's all said and done, i should get a ouroboros tattoo.

and i'm almost always freezing anymore. it's as if i'm frozen from the inside-out. i spend most of the day shivering, or curled up under a blanket. like right now. and yet, i'm still cold. i'm always cold.

9/24/09 09:40 pm

i officially hate myself.

8/22/09 10:50 am

awesome )

it's the last weekend of summer.
fail.

8/18/09 12:09 pm

so, this could be me in a nutshell.
Libra )

8/16/09 12:34 am

Dear Lorence )

7/29/09 02:32 pm

so, i joined a weightloss program online to help me keep track of things. i have 38 pounds to lose to reach my target goal. i've hit a huge road block, it seems, in my progress, and i'm really upset about it. i haven't lost any weight this summer like i should have. so, i'm sorry that i spazz out about my weight, and my body. i'm just sick of the way i look and feel. but i'll reach my goal, someday. i know i will. i have a lot of faith in myself, since i've lost 40 pounds already, it isn't as if i can't lose 30-some more. even if i don't reach my goal, i'd like to get my BMI down to a healthy range, and i'm only 15-10 pounds away from that. so, hopefully, i'll be okay.

7/21/09 02:10 pm

"i am a heartless bitch.
he is a delicate flower."


so decided by erika and me.

7/16/09 12:33 am

submission )

7/9/09 10:58 pm

like gold )

7/7/09 05:49 pm

here )

7/7/09 05:45 pm

دنیارابگوییدچطورآنهاانتخاباتمان دزدیده اند
Tell the world how they have stolen our election

دموکراسی شعار ماست -- خشونت انزجار ماست
Democracy is our right, we despise violence.

7/4/09 07:49 pm

The truth is that I'm a bad person. But, that's gonna change - I'm going to change. This is the last of that sort of thing. Now I'm cleaning up and I'm moving on, going straight and choosing life. I'm looking forward to it already. I'm gonna be just like you. The job, the family, the fucking big television. The washing machine, the car, the compact disc and electric tin opener, good health, low cholesterol, dental insurance, mortgage, starter home, leisure wear, luggage, three piece suite, DIY, game shows, junk food, children, walks in the park, nine to five, good at golf, washing the car, choice of sweaters, family Christmas, indexed pension, tax exemption, clearing gutters, getting by, looking ahead, the day you die.

6/22/09 03:12 pm

i love this poem by Veronica A. Shoffstall.


After some time you learn the difference,
The subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,
And company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats,
With your head up and your eyes ahead,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn,
That even the sun burns if you get too much,
And learn that it doesn't matter how much you do care about,
Some people simply don't care at all.
And you accept that it doesn't matter how good a person is,
She will hurt you once in a while,
And you need to forgive her for that.
You learn that talking can relieve emotional pain.
You discover that it takes several years to build a relationship based on confi
dence,
And just a few seconds to destroy it.
And that you can do something just in an instant,
And which you will regret for the rest of your life.
You learn that the true friendships,
Continue to grow even from miles away.
And that what matters isn't what you have in your life,
But who you have in your life.
And that good friends are the family,
Which allows us to choose.
You learn that we don't have to switch our friends,
If we understand that friends can also change.
You realize that you are your best friend,
And that you can do do anything, or nothing,
And have good moments together.
You discover that the people who you most care about in your life,
Are taken from you so quickly,
So we must always leave the people who we care about with lovely words,
It may be the last time we see them.
You learn that the circunstances and the enviroment have influence upon us,
But we are responsible for ourselves.
You start to learn that you should not compare yourself with others,
But with the best you can be.
You discover that it takes a long time to become the person you wish to be,
And that the time is short.
You learn that it doesn't matter where you have reached,
But where you are going to.
But if you don't know where you are going to,
Anywhere will do.
You learn that either you control your acts,
Or they shall control you.
And that to be flexible doesn't mean to be weak or not to have personality,
Because it doesn't matter how delicate and fragile the situation is,
There are always two sides.
You learn that heroes are those who did what was necessary to be done,
Facing the consequences.
You learn that patience demands a lot of practice.
You discover that sometimes,
The person who you most expect to be kicked by when you fall,
Is one of the few who will help you to stand up.
You learn that maturity has more to do with the kinds of experiences you had
And what you have learned from them,
Than how many birthdays you have celebrated.
You learn that there are more from you parents inside you than you thought.
You learn that we shall never tell a child that dreams are silly,
Very few things are so humiliating,
And it would be a tragedy if she belived in it.
You learn that when you are angry,
You have the right to be angry,
But this doesn't give you the right to be cruel.
You discover that only because someone doesn't love you the way you would like
her to,
It doesn't mean that this person doesn't love you the most she can,
Beacuse there are people who love us,
But just don't know how to show or live that.
You learn that sometimes it isn't enough being forgiven by someone,
Sometimes you have to learn how to forgive yourself.
You learn that with the same harshness you judge,
Some day you will be condemned.
You learn that it doesn't matter in how many pieces your heart has been broken,
The world doesn't stop for you to fix it.
You learn that time isn't something you can turn back,
Therefore you must plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure.
You really are strong .
And you can go so farther than you thougt you could go.
And that life really has a value.
And you have value within the life.
And that our gifts are betrayers,
And make us lose
The good we could conquer,
If it wasn't for the fear of trying.

6/21/09 12:02 pm

so, i got a xanga .



someday, hopefully, i won't feel so disgusting in my own skin.

6/16/09 11:27 am

Bands to see this summer:
Adolescents
Alexisonfire
Anti-Flag
Bad Religion
Big D and the Kids Table
Chiodos
Flogging Molly
Senses Fail
The Adicts
The Dickies
The Exploited
Thrice


Conor Oberst
A.A. Bondy
Deep Sea Diver

6/1/09 11:33 am



Lovers, keep on the road your on
Runners, until the race is run
Soldiers, you've got to soldier on
Sometimes even right is wrong

They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day, were gonna get out

Tonight, maybe we're gonna run
Dreaming of the Osaka sun
Ohh, ohh, ohhh
Dreaming of when the morning comes

They are turning my head out
To see what I'm all about
Keeping my head down
To see what it feels like now
But I have no doubt
One day, the sun will come out




i have a jar of butterflies.
this song gives me so much hope.

5/29/09 10:22 am

i read everything you wrote for me, a few times to let it all sink in. we've been through so much together, through good times, through bad, and we've overcome. i love you, so very much. we can take down anything, so long as we're together. just keep hope.

thank you for your words. i love you.

5/24/09 01:29 pm

You can wear your new white shoes in the muddy afternoon
Walking past the drunks, too
They whistle with their hands
But I could be your catcall, too
Anything you wanna do
Anything you wanna do

You can take your slide trombone
Play it in your catacombs
Find a town that moves real slow
And turn it on its head
And I could be your pharaoh's tomb
Anything you wanna do
Lover, anything you wanna do

And if you want to be common
I can claim that I tamed you
A demigod in a bonnet
They're going to know it ain't true

You can paint your nails lime green
Rent yourself a limousine
Kidnap the professor's niece
Tell them that she's dead
We'll party in a hotel room
Anything you wanna do
Sister, anything you wanna do

You can get your hair all wet
Sleeping on the riverbed
Kiss a frog and then dissect
You got to find out what's inside
And you can have my bad side, too
Anything you wanna do
Sure, anything you wanna do

And if you want to be common
I will claim that I tamed you
A demigod in a bonnet
They're going to know it ain't true

And yes, you are King David's star
And the crescent moon, and the crescent moon
You must sweep the Bowdhi tree
I sit beneath, and I sit beneath

You can wear your new white shoes in the dirty afternoon
Walking through the traffic fumes
A flower in your hair
And I will swing upon your moods
Anytime you want me to
Just tell me what you wanna do
Anything you wanna do
Anything you wanna do



:]
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